omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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