Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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