This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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