you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
