in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
