Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
