i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
It's like God shit irony all over that family
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
