He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
love makes seman taste better
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
