I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
