The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
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