So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
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I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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