Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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