I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
