The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
