imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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