You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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