The maid of honor just puked.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
