my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize