This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
