How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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