she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
