You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
so that wasnt chicken after all
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
