If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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