I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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