ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
