please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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