just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
