I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
