At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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