I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I FOUND THE LEGS
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
