Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
