Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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