why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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