Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
