I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Randomize
