That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
