Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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