yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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