3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
