So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
