omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
