she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize