HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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