The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
