I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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