You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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