I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
