he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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