my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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