my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
