matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
