This dress was meant to end up on your floor
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Randomize