Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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