It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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