Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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