just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
