I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
