if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
