Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
