Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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