I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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