im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
