Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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